1. Men are the sport of circumstances when it seems circumstances are the sport of men.

- Lord Byron

2. We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

- George Bernard Shaw

3. The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.

- John Foster Dulles

4. Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.

- Martha Scott

5. I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.

- Woodrow Wilson

6. The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.

- Karl Krause

7. It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

- Thomas Sowell

8. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.

- Bertrand Russell

9. One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.

- Robert Heinlein

10. Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.

- Otto von Bismark

11. A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.

- Michael Bassey Johnson

12. It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.

- George Washington

13. It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.

- Harry Truman

14. Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

- George Bernard Shaw

15. It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

- Ronald Reagan

16. Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.

- William Congreve

17. If you want to make enemies, try to change something.

- Woodrow Wilson

18. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

- Dorothy Parker

19. A witty saying proves nothing.

- Voltaire

20. The world is divided into men who have wit and no religion and men who have religion and no wit.

- Avicenna

21. Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

- Jay Leno

22. The Best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.

- Abraham Lincoln

23. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

- Oliver Herford

24. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.

- Cullen Hightower

25. I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.

- Abraham Maslow

26. My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.

- Lisa Kleypas

27. The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.

- Michelangelo

28. To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

- Doug Larson

29. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

- Margaret Mead

30. I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

- Mark Twain

31. We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.

- Anais Nin

32. A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.

- J. Robson Koenig

33. Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

- George Eliot

34. I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.

- J. Paul Getty

35. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

- Billy Wilder

36. Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.

- Enid Blyton

37. I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

- Robert Benchley

38. Puns are the highest form of literature.

- Alfred Hitchcock

39. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

- Thomas Edison

40. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

- Mark Twain

41. Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.

- Howard Aiken

42. She has all of the virtues I despise, and none of the vices I admire.

- Winston Churchill

43. Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

44. I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.

- Charles de Gaulle

45. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

- Isaac Asimov

46. The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.

- Mark Twain

47. The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

- Wernher von Braun

48. I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.

- David Livingstone

49. The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.

- Oscar Wilde

50. It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

- Helen Walton

51. An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

52. I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.

- Suzanne Wrightt

53. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.Ralph Charell

54. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Steven Wright

55. He must be very ignorant for he answers every question he is asked.

- Voltaire

56. Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.

- Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

57. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

- Bertrand Russell

58. Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.

- John Kenneth Galbraith

59. It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.

- Walter Linn

60. Action will destroy your procrastination.

- Og Mandino

61. Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.

- Oliver Goldsmith

62. Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

63. A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

- Ljupka Cvetanova

64. Never try to have the last word. You might get it.

- Robert Heinlein

65. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

- Steven Wright

66. Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.

- Robert J. Sawyer

67. Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

- George Bernard Shaw

68. There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done.

- Peter F. Drucker

69. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

- Douglas Adams

70. Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.

- Mark Twain

71. Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

- Stan Laurel

72. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.

- Douglas Adams

73. There are only two great tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.

- Oscar Wilde

74. The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

- Bertrand Russell

75. A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.

- George D. Prentice

76. Irony is the gaiety of reflection and the joy of wisdom.

- Anatloe France

77. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

- Robert Frost

78. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

- Robert Frost

79. The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.

- George Bernard Shaw

80. If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

- Amit Kalantri

81. For me genius is ‘1% inspiration and 99% procrastination.’

- Richard Herring

82. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

83. Some people are so far behind they actually think they’re leading.

- Dominic Chianese, The Sopranos

84. Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?

- James Thurber

85. Wit is the lowest form of humor.

- Alexander Pope

86. Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.

- William Cowper

87. The lot of critics is to be remembered by what they failed to understand.

- George Edward Moore

88. I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

- Mark Twain